4 Signs Your Children May Be Involved With Cyber bullying

1) They switch screens, close programs, or put away their phones when you’re nearby.
While this behavior can be a result of children wanting privacy, it may also be a sign that they want to hide their communication from you. Use this opportunity to develop codes of conduct with your children about how to maintain respectful and healthy online relationships.


2) They laugh excessively while using the computer or cell phone.
There are times when the tone of someone’s laughter is more sinister than happy. If you hear this kind of laughter from your children, ask them what’s so funny. Even if they roll their eyes and reply, “Nothing,” use this time to talk about your family’s rules for treating others–online and off.


3) They use multiple online accounts or an account that is not their own.
If your children are often on the Internet, check the computer’s browser history to see if they have consistently logged on to free e-mail sites (Yahoo, Gmail, Hotmail), as this may indicate they have multiple addresses. The use of more than one address may be a result of their wanting to mask their identity. Make sure to ask your children why they have various accounts, and remind them of the commitment they have made to represent themselves truthfully and to communicate respectfully with others online. (This also applies for screen names children may use to send instant messages or chat online.)


4) They have been involved in prior bullying situations on- or offline.
The roles of “bully” and “target” are fluid and change with each hostile event. Someone who is bullied in the morning may become the aggressor in the afternoon as she retaliates for having been mistreated herself. Speak with your children about cruelty to others and remind them that nobody ever deserves to be treated poorly or attacked. 


Alison Trachtman Hill    

Cyber bullying: Not “Real” Bullying?

While it often feels as if children are the experts when it comes to communication technology such as cell phones, instant messaging, and social networking, it is the trusted adults in their lives who are the experts in helping them navigate the emotional realities which arise from using it. Children need guidance about how communication technology impacts their social worlds, and the best ways to build and maintain respectful relationships with others.

One of the most important concepts to consider when discussing cyber communication is disinhibition—when people say or do things online that they wouldn’t in “real life.” Some kids benefit from this, such as the poet who is too shy to read her work at in-person event. She may instead share her poems via a poetry website. Unfortunately, disinhibition can also manifest in ways that lead children to forget that they are communicating with another person. They may verbally abuse others and act in ways they wouldn’t if they were face-to-face with their targets. This has led to increased cyber bullying among children: insulting, harassing, and even threatening each other through Internet technologies.


While some adults are very concerned about how to stop cyber bullying, there are others who do not understand why it is such a big deal. For these adults, violence that isn’t physical in nature isn’t “real.” They can’t understand why kids don’t just shut the computer off or ignore the mean texts messages. After all, it’s not as if the bully is right outside the door of their home or waiting for them in the school parking lot. However, all adults need to understand that the physical locations that were the center of their adolescent social lives now exist virtually for their children. Asking cyber bullied children to “just log off and ignore it” is like telling them to miss the big game, stay home from the latest party, or avoid the newest hangout. While having children ignore cyber bullies can curtail a particular interaction, it cannot take the place of dialogue about appropriate online behavior.


Adults need to understand that cyber bullying is very real. They need to act quickly when they discover that a child is being cyber bullied—or cyber bullying. An awareness of the behaviors which may suggest that a cyber bullying situation is taking place enables trusted adults to take actions to help children, as well as create longer- term strategies for peaceful conflict resolution.


Alison Trachtman Hill